Testament

I want you to imagine something. It will hurt you, it will test you, and in the end, maybe, just maybe, you'll learn something.

Maybe, it will change you.

Imagine that each moment, every single moment of your life, is one filled with pain. Imagine that that pain has a life of it's own, and that every moment it's trying to consume you.

Imagine that you didn't used to feel that way, that you were normal and healthy, that life was perfect as far as could be seen, and the future was ripe for the taking.

Imagine the fear, the suffering, the sorrow, the knowing that your life, and the lives of those close to you were forever, irrevocably changed.

Imagine the fight each day, not just to get out of bed, but to move at all.

Imagine knowing that each day would only get worse.

Imagine knowing nothing could change it.

Imagine knowing that one day, you wouldn't be able to pick up your child, one day you wouldn't be able to drive, and one day you wouldn't be able to walk.

Now imagine LIVING with all that knowledge. Every. Single. Moment. Of. Your. Life.

Imagine never being able to sleep.

Now imagine being faced with the choice to give in or fight. It's not as easy as it would seem, the easy path has it's cunning allure, it's seductive, and it will destroy you.

Imagine that you chose to fight. Imagine that you KNOW it will cause more pain and suffering. Imagine that it scares the living shit out of you, that you are so afraid that you will fail.

Imagine knowing what will happen if you do.

And now imagine this:

Grabbing Life by the throat and telling it to PISS THE FUCK OFF.

Life doesn't like that, it fights back, it makes things even more difficult.

Imagine that you still don't give in.

Now imagine that instead of suffering in silence, you use what you've learned to spread love and learning to as many people as you can touch every moment that you live.

Imagine taking their pain for your own, even though it means you hurt more.

Imagine not caring that it makes you feel that way.

Imagine that no matter what happens, you still shout in defiance "I STILL BELIEVE! I'M NOT BREAKING!"

Imagine becoming a symbol, one of hope, faith, and one of love.

Imagine not UNDERSTANDING how that happened. Imagine not caring how it happened.

Imagine word upon word flowing forth in a flood that cannot be quenched by anything, anywhere, anyhow.

Imagine not understanding how that happens.

Imagine not caring, imagine only caring for the result, not what got you there.

Imagine living beyond who you were, to become who you ARE.

Imagine loving so strongly in the face of overwhelming odds.

Imagine becoming so much more than you ever, ever thought you could or would be.

Can you imagine someone like that? Someone that strong, someone who refuses to give in? Someone who loves unconditionally?

I can.

That person is me.

There is a fire in me that refuses to die, it will not go out, it cannot go out IWILLNOTLETITGOOUT.

I BELIEVE.

I am NOT breaking.

I am still FIGHTING.

Even though pain and suffering sear through me in waves.

I cannot give in.

I do not know how.

My name is Jamie, and this is MY testament, this is who I am.

I can change your life.

If you will let me.

Now imagine how different you already are, just because you read this and you know me.

Wonder can be found anywhere.

But only if you believe.

So why don't you?

I go by the name th3krimzon1, krimzon for the blood that flows through me and through all of us, and I DARE YOU to BELIEVE.

jlp July 13, 2009